apathy , empathy , tranquility .....Within Me!!!

TROZODONE...

it too tiny, it smells like carrot , and it taste like honey but a lil bitterness inside...
u dont have to chew it , u just have to swallow it but i like the taste ...
u must take it with a lot of water and a sweet thing for its best effect...

First 15 Min:

The first effect that u can call is that time lost all its meanings , everthing become so solid , motions become like images that u see in a second , maybe u see a man walk through ur alley but u will just remember an image on a man walking not the time he walked....and everything become kinda still...even the smoke from ur sigarrete...kinda stick around u ...

Second 15 Min:

after 15 min u lost ur senses in ur mouth , u can move ur lips naturaly but u dont want to move them , u just want to have ur mouth closed...not to talk ..not to eat ...u mind become kinda dizzy ....images starts to lost their meanings...its just like ur looking throug the fog...u can see things but u dont give a fuck about the meanings...its just like ur drowning in ur self...ur face become sensless...and u get centered somewhere deep in ur brain...

Third 15 Min:

in this moment u will lose ur train of toughts, u can not focus on any of ur problems...u can not hold a tought for more than 5 second it just slips away...for example u think about ur lover and how u missed her , then u remember the color of her hair and u remember a chocolate of its color and u remember that the chocolate is sweet then u will think of ice cream which is also sweet and u remember that ice cream is cold ......and it goes on and on ..... u may try to focus and i'm telling u its the worst part...u want to focus but u cant...u just fight with it but it will make u insane and mad ...u want to scream but ur face is numb...the best way is to stop fighting and love it and let the new train carry ur toughts....its painfull but it followed by the most enjoyable feeling....

4th 15 Min:

ur mind is getting tierd of wandering ....and u will go deeper and deeper...ur so focused on the inside that u forget the outside word....and slowly ur every toughts drains and drown and fade away....welcome to the state of emptiness...welcome to the state of nothingness....everything is on the inside and inside is nothing....then u can feel the heat inside u ...a heat that will keep u warm inside ...its just like being loved by a loved one...it moves up from ur belly into ur brain and from ur brain into ur eyes and makes u cry....and the music...the music is so fullfilling that wash away all the pain hate and suffering inside u ....and u will feel so pleased and ur eyes feel so heavy u want to close them and just like that u will go into a deep sleep ..deep dreamless sleep....we love u trozodone...we love u bro...

Dead Man's Not Talkin Anymore!!

Dead MAn's Dying!!

the swan's house:

:*

( in this picture u can see one : and a * and there is world of meanings beyond them:D but what do u know ??? u horny lil freak!!)

I've feel the sun , i've touched the skys....

I've drown in ur blood , I am the river

i am god and GOD is my lord

......

I got nothing to say , nothing.....

Did I say that I loathe you?

Did I say that I want to

Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...

My mind...my mind...

'Til I find someWAY new...

part 2:

kenareh hozeh eskan vastadim ,mano , belt carrier o , "dream brother" o "alaeddin" .... man stress daram , khaili ziad , kolli enerhye manfi , mitoonam to hava hessesh konam too cheshmaye belt carrier.......

belt carriero alaeddin raftan ke doosteh daneshgashono bebinan , dream brother dareh to lego vase man kado mikhareh ...man tanha neshestam rooye sandalie ghermez , va tars hameh vojodamo gerefteh , mitarsam vase in gooroohrh kochikemoon , va hamash dar fekreh inam ke kase digeyiam in tarso hes mikoneh????

"lil sparrow" va "sport" daran az peleha mian payin va roo labeh jofteshoon labkhandeh yedafeh hes mikonam ke cheghad ahmagham , yadeh zanjireh na mar'iyi mioftam ke maro doreh ham jam mikoneh va khialam rahat mishe....ba khialeh rahat sigaro ke too dahanam khiseh aab shodero roshan mikonamo....


neshestim to cafe payiiz " naneh payiiz" gir dadeh behemoon ke biaym payin , jaa tangeh vali baaz khoobeh, digeh gir behemoon nemideh...mano pier nemidonam chera hamishe pishe ham mishinim fek konam hamdigaro khaili doos darim ....tasmim gereftan ke kadoharo hamzaman bedan beham....3 sanie man dar fekreh inam ke kadoom aslan khoob nist va bayad bishtar migashtam ....2 sanie man to fekreh inam ke cheghad kadoye man , mano needy neshoon mideh , engar khaili gondeh roosh neveshtan ke "LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME...." ....1 sanie man to fekreh inam ke baghie rajebeh man chi fekr mikonan poooof.....0 sanie fuck it all , jazz trio....

man mitonam negaranio too cheshmaye "hellicopter" bebinam , chera narahateh??? be chi fek mikoneh ??? come on...look at me ...i want to feel that green ray of light on my skin...i am a faggot ..i know :D

biroon cafe payizim , dobareh dameh hoz , koli energye mosbat to havast,man daram ba mobilam harf mizanam , hellicopter doro varam micharkheh , midonam mikhad ye chizi behem begeh vali nemitoneh ,de yalla dokhtar harfeto bezan , hanooz zibayie jazzo hes nakardeh vali be zoodi ishala....

"Khanoom" emrooz ziad sar haal nist , vali man asheghesham chonke in hameh say mikoneh ke kasi nafahmeh dardesho va vaghean khoob karesho mikoneh....nemidonam manzooreh oon merC e akharamo ke behesh goftam fahmid ya na ...vali dalilesh in bood !!! :D

too koocheyim man ba hameh khodafezi kardam daram miram tarafeh mashinam "nobody" sedaye sparrow ee ke az poshtam miad bar migardam migeh khodafez va ba dastash vasam ye boos mifresteh....vaghean khosh hal misham , nemidonam chera...hes mikonam ke sparrow midoneh chejooreh bayad az jazz lezat bebareh va in khosh halam mikoneh....alanam shabeh va man daram ba khamir baziam bazi mikonam va ta hala bahash ye derakht, ye nooshabeh va ye dampayi doros kardam...va khosh halam.

the belt carrier think i'm not confident and i think its so optional , i mean i'm so confident when i talk about music , movies , art , moneymaking, computers ...and i'm also confident about my face and what i wear , but i'm not confident about my body , god i hate my fat fuckin body ...

the question is what kind of confident is so attractive for people , the one which is an illusion ?? like waering a fake gucci outfit without knowing it? or the one which is real ?? like wearing a real gucci out fit ?? can people realy understand the diffrence?

i think confidence comes from whitin and thats why wearing a fake gucci outfit whitout knowing it gives u the same confident that waering a real one gives u!!
so if u feel confident about a fake gucci outfit ,can u fake the confidence in ur self for other people to like u?

here i was , in a fast food ,with our lovely lil group , we were having lunch together everything was ok , but i still couldnt express my feelings the way they were , i've been thinking about this for a while , can u express ur feeling whitout caring about the people around u ??? as it goes by i find it harder and harder , everyday , every second.... can we realy live like a jazz trio???

now we r in cafe paeez with the angry old woman with all her "hiss" and "shut ups" but i find it possible to like her the way she is!! so i try the same method for the lil game we play "esmkeshi" but everytime i open the lil white paper i was praying for just one name and nobody else and is that a proof for our weakness ? or its just natural to care for someone so much??
why cant we appriciate everyone equaly? what does it all mean?

then pier pull out this game ,to love the one u pick and express ur feelings to her for 2 min !!
and there she was...i was choking , laughing for no reason , i was shaking, my knees was trembling but i couldnt even look her in the eyes...
if we r so fucked up with cliches and rules that we can not express our feelings to the one we love for only 2 min then whats the point of loving someone anyway??
if its so hard for us to express our anger, hate , desires and love then whats the point of having them??
i was wondering can we express our feelings without following a goal ?